there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
