This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off