oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
