i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do vagina's smell?
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You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit