I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.