I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?