So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
