Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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