She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
