I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
