There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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