honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
