I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
