I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
