I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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