the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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