I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
