went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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