We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
50% drunk capacity currently
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
