The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
