HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
