In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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