Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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