U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wear drunk well.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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