Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
