also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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