Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
