When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
