so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
