I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
