im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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