Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
