He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!