Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now