i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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