U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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