I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize