Define "chronic" masturbator.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
