i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
