I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
