i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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