So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
