why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
