whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
