the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
