One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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