No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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