I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
