i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish you could order shots online.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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