I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
