Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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