...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
