Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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