My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
