last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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