i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
