Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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