I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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