Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
