Have you finally orgasmed yet?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize