I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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