Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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