Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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