On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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