I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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