everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
